Why I'm not writing about why I don't believe

It has taken me a long time to update this blog. This time last year, I was very much engaged in debates sparked by some of my (slightly controversial) postings re: church. Barely 3 months later, I stopped believing in the essential doctrines of Christianity. Now, I disbelieve with more certainty than I ever believed.

In the past 9 months I have had all the reasoned debates that you would expect with my wife, various friends and family and even complete strangers. I have become accustomed to providing justification for not believing, as if it were the duty of the non-believer to provide evidence rather than the believer. In most cases such debate was a waste of breath, in the face of a strong belief before the argument.  Therefore, I do not wish to try offer 'reason' in this post. If you want to broadly understand my reasoning read Ken Daniels and John Loftus to start with, as well as skeptical commentaries on apologists like Zacharias, McDowell and Boyd. I am of course willing to discuss these issues with people who will take the time to read 'the other' perspective, which a few of my closest have done and which I appreciate so much. 

I was not reasoned into Christianity (rather, I was born into and educated to believe, and I then rationalised through experience), but I have realised that I am in the small minority who was open to being reasoned out. Most Christians do not believe because any of the dogma makes particular sense, but because they are accepted into a community that provides hope, purpose, vision and love. Reason cannot prevail against this. 

I absolutely identify with many of the core messages of Christ, as depicted in the Bible. I admire many Christians; my dearest friends and family as well as public figures and community activists- my wife first and foremost. Chris who has debated with me so eloquently and intellectually- and we have come different conclusions and that is ok. Christian authors like Frank Viola who have great hearts for change and revolution. Activists like Jarred McKenna and Shane Claiborne who campaign for the marginalised and persecuted. I love and admire these people as human beings.

Ironically, I am writing this from church. Debbie is a believer and the kids love to attend...me not going means not everyone else can go (5 kids under 10 with 2 adults is hard enough as it is!). So now and then, I go along to allow the little kids to go along. It's hard to say what my prevailing feeling is when I attend. Discomfort at being the odd one out. Sadness that people follow the religions of their culture. Frustration that they spend time and money on something I believe to be baseless. If I'm honest, I harbour a bit of resentment that my kids are getting more and more involved, educated and having 'experiences' that to a believer seem to validate belief. I also fear that the role I had all mapped out previously as 'spiritual leader' will be rapidly filled by others, and I will lose something in my position as their father. 

A massive barrier to understanding non-believers is the assumption that being a decent person, behaving ethically or caring for others is an orientation monopolised by believers in a higher power. I do admit that these kinds of behaviour are indeed represented by many people of faith around the world. So, is this because they have to or want to behave this way? If they have to, then do we say that religion is a social control mechanism for morality? If they want to, how can you say that they are not simply a decent person who cares for others? Let's not forget that historically, religion also takes central stage when we examine the very worst in humanity- division, conflict and persecution. 

So what of hope, vision, purpose and love? I think these are the things that people (rightly) are both attracted to and fear losing. Well, I can tell you what keeps me ticking. I hope in humanity, that we can transform society through popular movements that take down entrenched systems (including religious ones). I see vision in divergent thinkers from every race and worldview, coming together to solve global dilemmas. I find purpose in protecting not only my own family but those who are defenceless. I try to ask the right questions to inspire action, progress and change. I see love in every country and community I visit, regardless of faith, with every act of kindness and self-sacrifice. 

This idea of equating belief with higher values is a fallacy, and should be rejected outright. 

I hope my honesty about this will not be taken as a personal attack on anyone. I really do respect and admire all those who care about others and want to make a difference in life. I'm with you.